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Version 105写作参考

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发信人:   synyan(孤单一吻) 
  
V105 大作文:911事件以后,全球经济滑坡drop rapidly!to extend your ,somebody
                 think that this phynomenon is affected by the event,do you agree
                 or disagree!?and what your country's state should do?
=================================================================

The  popular view all over the world holds that the 911 event has
greatly (affect)AFFECTED the economics not only in USA but also (all 
countries.)ALL OVER THE WORLD。Yet the truth (is)THAT global economic
collapsed WAS not because people were disappointed and sad but the
structure was not suitable for global production.

We know in past 10 years the IT industry played an important role
in US. The fast increasing economic of US also encouraged the
global industry because US was the Top1 country of inlet that IT
industry needed and hardware (especially processor) producer.
However,the IT industry is so vulnerable that any unpredictable
factors such as earthquakes in Taiwan island in 2000 could influence
it (Taiwan collects most of the mainboard and  EMS memory
producers). The relationship of the economics among the countries
is like human being's nerve system. Once a place turn wrong,the
others will feel pain. So it is true that the 911 is a main signal of
economic depression instead of the cause.

Additional,we can say the phynomenon is a 'symptom' of the
weakness. If take a look at the structure of economics in US,we
will find out that it's like a pyramid.The IT has took up so many
places on the top that when the bubble economic is broken,
the confidence of people will have gone with the wind.

Fortunately,Chinese are not greatly suffered from it as other
western countries because China is also a big agriculture
country. But to avoid the incident like 911 and the economic
depression the department of the  state should make slightly
control on the fast developing of some industries and enact a law.

说真话,这篇文章写的很好,但只是IT业并不能代表全部,如你所述,它只是其中因
素之一,但你接下来几乎都在讨论IT,最后结尾也如此,有点以偏盖全。从文法方面
说,的确是篇不错的习作。    
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※来源: 【无忧雅思社区】