Does Criticism Do More Harm Than Good to People?

　　Text

　　A Young Woman Who Fears Compliments

　　Marya, a brilliant graduate student in her early twenties who came for consultation. Insisted that she could improve only with criticism(1). Her reasoning was that she knew the good qualities but that she did not know the bad ones. To have more knowledge of her negative qualities, she believed, would add to her self-understanding(2) and thus enable her to see herself more completely. Marya, in effect, refused to acknowledge and to understand her strengths. She had assembled detailed lists of her negative qualities which she used daily to support an extremely negative view of herself. But they were either exaggerated or unreal(3).

　　Despite her attractiveness to others, she convinced herself that she was ugly. When her family bought her new and well-designed articles of clothing(she seldom bought any herself), she left them hanging in the closet for weeks before wearing them once. When someone complimented her on what she wore(4) and asked whether it was new, she could honestly answer no. She did not "deserve" to wear new clothes. She could not bear the pain of hearing compliments, of seeing herself as intelligent, pretty, or worthwhile(5).

　　As a child, Marya had received little or no criticism from her parents. She was prized by them. Their major disappointment in her apparently was that she often rejected their overtures of kindness and appreciation, not in anger but in embarrassment, (6) as though she were undeserving. This seemingly mild-mannered young woman, (7) exceptionally courteous judgment with tenacity(8). finally, friends and interested faculty members quit acceding to her persuasive requests for criticism(9) that they could not honestly give. Instead, they gently but firmly confronted her with her own blindness to what she truly was like(10).

　　I. Listen

　　Listen to the text with the help of the following notes.

　　1. she could improve only with criticism: 只有批评才能使她进步。

　　2. To have more knowledge of her negative qualities, ..., would add to her self-understanding:更多地知道她的短处将会增加她的自我了解。